Argh, so a partially unwilling willing story begins. It begins with a ninja saying "Argh," because they are perfectly caple of saying that if they wanted to and this ninja did, and I just thought of ninjas and I like ninjas.

Anyway.

The sun was very sunny, as usual, because it had remembered to take its medication that day, as with other plentiful days. That's why the sun is shiny and shining and blinding. There is somebody up there getting high. Well, the sun was in this particular ninja's face, and he didn't exactly want to wake up at that very moment. Therefore, Argh.

"Argh."

He got up, fit all in his ninja outfit-thing. He must always be ready. The code of his ninja warrior team was to be ready. Always. For anything. Swinging his legs very, very slowly over the side of his mattress-on-the-ground, he got up very, very slowly, and then called for his man-slave, the Boyfriend.

"Man-slave!! Boyfriend!! Where are you!! Bring me breakfast!!"

A man in chains and a loincloth tumbled in, apparently having been pushed into the room by some outside force. (Another man standing just outside the room giggled rather gigglishly.) Once the man in the loincloth regained his balance and his dignity and stood up and brushed off imaginary dirt off of his beloved loincloth, he glared at the ninjaman. "The fuck YOU want?!?"

"BREAKFAST, MAN!!! I said BREAKFAST!!!!! BreakFAST, like I have SAID, breaking the FAST!!! Which I have been fasting!!! Overnight!!!! I'm hungry!!!"
                "What do you WANT?!?!?"

"OOOHH, maybe an ORANGE and some TOAST!!! Toast is GOOD!!! But it makes me hungry even if I eat MORE and MORE of it!!! So why not some eggs too?!?!? Eggs are good!!! I love eggs!!! Don't forget the cow intestine and OHHH I am grossing you out NOW aren't I?!?!?"

"FUCK YEAH!!! You're ALWAYS grossing me out, ya dumbass!!! And would it HURT YOU to get me some NEW CLOTHES?!?! This REALLY won't DO and your SKINTIGHT SPANDEX is not, like, the GREATEST THING, after ALL."

"Oh YEAH?!?! Well – I have THINGS TO SHOW OFF!" Ninjaman pointed to his manly nipples.

"SO?!?!? I'm NICE and SMOOTH. Some people actually LIKE that in a man, so shut up." Manslave pointed to his smooth manboobs, which lacked nipples. Some of you in the reading audience may be cringing right now. But it's all okay. I'm not doing this SERIOUSLY, after ALL. I was kinda planning to, but…uhm…oh well.

"MOTHER of GOD!!!!" screamed the ninja. "GET me my FOOD NOOOW, you PUSSY!!!!!"

"FINE, you lazy sonofuhRAT BASTARD!!!!"

"I LOVE YOU!!!!"
                "I LOVE YOU TOO!!!" Manslave goes out. His chain is useless, really, so I really don't know why exactly I typed that in. Its broken chainness was just going along limply as such and being quite…well…useless…and to include more in my self-absorbed author-notes-within-the-story, I really don't know if I can do this! I mean, it looked and sounded really really easy!! And some people are up to 10,000, 30,000 words already!!! Geebus, I wonder what the hell THOSE people are doing?!? I mean, HOW??? I must know your secret! You see, I am not a person who lives by self or with others holding a job or in college or anything, I'm a regular student-person that likes to read yaoi! So I can't pull all-nighters! My dad will surely yell at me! A lot! Ahhhh…I really don't want to grow up, as in get old and worry about worrisome things, but then I also want to be able to fly around and have a better control over my bladder. Thank you very much. Back to the story. I need some candy.

The man who was giggling very gigglishly before had no clear purpose before this point, so Manslave drags him along to get food. When Manslave came back holding an orange and some moldy black toast, Ninja is over in the corner contorting himself into various positions, having more than a bit of fun.

"Hey," Ninja called out from under his elbow, "look where I can reach!"

Stare.

Cough.

Snort.

Giggly giggle from the giggle man.

"Here's your bloody orange."

"I didn't ask for a bloody orange, I wanted a nice clean ripe shiny one. What's with that toast?"

"You should've specified it before, you idiot." Manslave rolls the orange over to the ninja, and stuffed the black toast into his helpless, vulnerable mouth!! That was eating the dirty toast!!! What a dirty, DIRTY piece of toast it WAS!!! It was HORRIBLE!!! Ninja's throat contorted as the thing was swallowed, and – and – and…it was now being digested in his stomach!!! Stomach acids was all over the place in his stomach!! Ahhh!! The toast feels pain!! The orange sat there in horror. This wasn't what was going to happen to it, was it?!? He didn't want to end up in the ninja's stomach!!! He had plans!!! He had a gender!!! Ahhh!!! Now his gender is being taken away!!!! It is now an it!!!! Is this a fate worse than stomach acidic death?!???! Let's poll the audience!!! HELLO!!! HELLO?!?!? Is anyone THERE?!?!? We want to ask you some questions!!!!!!!!!! Please come BACK!!!!!

~~~ministory time! ~~~

Somewhere, nearby, a cat burped.

The orange rolled behind some trash, afraid for its life. God, this is so stupid. Why the hell am I doing this? I really don't want to die. I just wish I hadn't made this commitment. Abhrhb. Connie, you utter filthy BITCH. Why are you making me DO this?!?!? Okay. Back to the mini-story that's not really a story. You must concentrate. This WILL be a story by the time you're done with this. You are SO going to type until seven. OKAY?!?!? TWO MORE HOURS. Maybe you can make this into a "The Story of a NaNoWriMo Writer Going Through the Horrific Process of Trying to be on the List of Winners!" Yeah!! That's it!!! God!!! You're brilliant!!!! I love you!!!!

..Yes!!! I checked the word count!!! You're just about at 1,000 words!! You only have to repeat the above process 49,000 more times!!! Countdown!! Yeah!!!

In the background the Batman theme song played, the music picked by aspiring go-go dancers who are currently heading into a club right now ahhh why do I keep changing tenses I can't help it help me!!! I really want to write about kyo…ookay…I will…

Just above the orange a short, short, short, short, short, not-too-short skirt came into view. The body WEARING the skirt also came into view. THE BODY'S NAME WAS KYO.

kyo: WHERE issss my HEAD?!?!??!?! I cannot SIIINNG without meee HEEAADDD!!

Shit!! This is even worse!!! Oh well!!!

Kyo's headless, topless, shoeless body wandered around for a moment, slouching and grinding against the brick walls of buildings around itself for no apparent reason…thus far. "Somebody!!!!" screamed kyo. "Find my head!!!" Random passersby stopped to grab at his miniskirt. "I MEAN MY *REAL* HEAD!!!"

Random Passerby: Dude, you mean that one is, like, PLASTIC?!

I really should stop now. NO!!!! nooooo I must go until SEVEN!!! All right!!

The orange was very afraid. What was wrong with the outside world?! How did it even GET into the outside world?!?!? It WAS in the company of a bunch of weird men before…now there was only one headless one! And genderless people passing by! And if the headless person had no head, why was it talking?! Where WAS the SOUND coming from!?!?! It must find out!!! The orange rolled up the leg of kyo.

kyo: Oh…oh shit…what the fuck is this…?! Is it a BUG?!?? BUG!!!!!

kyo reached for the orange, but couldn't find it. It continued to roll up his body until it got to his neck, and it then rolled up some more…and found…kyo's head!! Kyo had only been closing his eyes all the while!!! Kyo!!! Why am I making you so stupid?!?

kyo: BWAAAHH!!!!! I WILL KILL!!!!!!

~~~end ministory time! ~~~

"Well," said the ninja, "I must go now and visit my holy mother! It is her birthday! I need to find a suitable present! MANSLAVE!" he screamed. "COME WITH ME!"

"Yeah, yeah, go ahead," said Manslave, "Take him." He pushed the man who had done nothing but giggle so far. I will give him a name. His name is Manny. Short for Manslave the Second. Or maybe I'll change his name to Mansec…yeah…yeah, that sounds good. Yo yo, wassup, Mansec?!

"I don't WAAAAANNNTTTT TOOOOO okay!" Mansec took the hand of Ninja and they went off in search of a gift for Ninja's holy mother.

First they went to the fire hydrant and went to see if they could pull it up out of the ground. It was no use. I need an idea. Come on, idea, come hit me in the head. SUPERDOG…COME GIVE ME SUPERPOWERS…uh…let's see…let's skip the gift part, then. They just go straight to the mother and give her whatever they had gotten for her.

"Holy mother!!" said the ninja, bowing low, but keeping well away from his mother's orange toes, "I have come in honour of your 666th birthday!"

"That's the number of the devil!" said Mansec, displaying some intelligence of me! Yeah! I KNOW that number! Mansec was slapped in the head and he shut up.

"Yes, thank you thank you, yeah, whatever, where is my present?!?!" screamed the holy mother.

"It is HERE!" The ninja pointed to a surprised Mansec. "I'm going to give HIM! To YOU! You KNOW you haven't been laid in a while!"

Mansec gasped like a fish, and then starts to hyperventilate. "You're going to give ME to a nasty wrinkled old woman who's the age of the number of the devil!? You can't DO that!!!" Yeah, you bastard!!! Just like I can't do this!!! …What's that?!?!? NO, I WON'T take my calcium medicine!!!! yeah!!!! I refuse!! Hey, it's six! One more hour of this to go!

And well, they chain Mansec to ninja's holy mother, who is very ungrateful and deliberately kills off Mansec. "You evil…person!!" said the ninja. "I quite liked him. But FINE. BE that way. I see how it is. All you do is burp all the time, anyway."

Holy mother burped.

I have decided to finish 58 minutes early. I need a porn break.

~~~ministory time!

He held 0 softly, running through other faces in his head and adding 0's somewhere in them. Right now 0 was not dead, but he wasn't breathing. His face was still and maybe he was smiling in the dim broken light. When he woke up, he could ask him. And maybe he would ask him why he didn't look like he was breathing. 0 was warm.

0 was very, very warm.

He nudged closer to his streaked powdered face, slowly dragging sticky tongue up a cheek, all sweat and the dull taste of powder and something hard. It didn't feel like flesh. It wasn't too warm here. He pressed his tongue harder against the spot. What was wrong with him? There was a sound and he lowered his body, turning his head. There was nothing there. But he could see his reflection in the mirror crunch-nailed into the door. And he could see 0, too, awake. If 0 had been smiling before, he wasn't now.

He felt cold as 0 shoved him off and slid on top of him. The cold was a strange tingle, like a strange new electric bursting in his chest cavity, and something in him started to hurt. He tried smiling. Was this a new game?

0 wiped away the shiny spit from his cheek with a fist, then parted his lips and looked over his body and his face in a way that made him feel very good.

"Do you like me?" said 0, face pale and still. Grind hips. Grind teeth. He almost choked.

He smiled now, and tried to move to kiss him.

But before he could, 0 had smashed open his skull.

~~~end ministory!

One word after the other.

"I disown you," said the holy mother, and the ninja not-really-so gasped in shock. "Just because I burp all the time doesn't give you any reason to disown me. Besides, you listen to horrible music, anyway. It hurts my ears and gives me headaches that are worse than my farts and burps. God, I'm disgusting. But anyway. Why don't you listen to the Calming Chinese Tunes from the West? They'll probably calm your nerves and your PMS-like state that you always seem to be in. You used to be SUCH a happy and clean little girl – oh wait…I meant BOY. LET ME CONTINUE. You used to be SUCH a happy and clean little girl – GIRL.. why do I keep DOING that?!" She paused to belch. Ninjaman rubbed at his temples, and tried to keep from running away forever and ever. "Well. As I was saying, you used to be such a happy and clean little child. I mean, there would be ONE freaking hair on the floor, and you'd pick it up, saying, "Mom! Dirty! Dirty!" She giggled. "It was kind of like a porn movie, actually, if I closed my eyes and pretended the situation was something elses s,mfksmfkm " I AM NOT continuing THAT THOUGHT OKAY. One word after the other.

"Mom," began the ninja, as patiently as he could, "Just what the hell are you talking about?"
                "You mean you don't remember doing those things?"

"No."

"Oops…must've absorbed the wrong father's memories, then." She wheezed out a cough and patted her chest like that would help. "Whoo! That gas, man, it's really painful. Hey, next time it's my birthday, get me something useful, will you? What the hell did you give me, anyway – oh…oh yeah. That boy I killed. Whoops. I didn't really mean to do that, you know. It was all in a fit of…oh, I don't know. When you get old I'm sure you'll feel the same exact way. But here. You want his body? Because I'm not getting up to get rid of that thing. And I think all of my lovers have ran away, already."

Mansec'd dead body twitched impossibly uncomfortably. Ninja scrunched his face. "Mom, it's your business. I'm not going to touch him. I'm gonna go. See ya."

"Wait!" The holy mother folded her wrinkled hands in her lap, her liver spots shining quite beautifully. "Remember that you are not my son anymore. You must find a new mother. Goodbye, daughter – OH, dammit, I mean, son – wait – I've disowned you – okay, STRANGER.. yes. Goodbye, stranger."

Ninja turned the knob and went out. The cold air hit his face and he passed out.

~~~ministory time! ~~~

kyo's headless body wandered around for quite some time, getting no help anywhere. People either keep groping him and thought he was an insane diseased midget and crossed the street and got as far away from him as they could and dude my leg is twitching or something and I don't know why. He finally wandered into a children's toy store or some other children-friendly place and while he was bumping into pregnant men and women and tripping babies there was story time going on in a little corner.

"Okay, children…what did the hot dog say to the monkey…"

"He said, don't EAT me!" chorused a bunch of rats' children.

"And what did the monkey do…"

"He let in a monster!!!"
                "What was the monster, my little dears…"

"The monster was another hot dog!"

"Right…correct…and what did the two hot dogs do…"

"They ate each other!!!!!!"
                "But they don't have mouths…"
                "It doesn't matter!!!! Then the monkey!!!!! Ate them!!!!!!!"

"CHILDREN what have I BEEN reading to YOU?!?!?!"

kyo stumbled into the circle of children.

"Oh…so a late comer, huh…well…tell us your name, child…"

kyo turned his body in a circle, and little kids everywhere laughed at him. "HahahbhdbabahbhabjbHJ!"

"The fuck? Child? Hooo yehhh, like, I can sing Child Prey…except I don't have a head."

Small hands grabbed at his pants.

"…get away from me!!!"
                "TELL ME YOUR NAME, TURNING-AROUND-CHILD OF THE NO-HEAD!!!"

"I what?!?!? You calling me a KID?!?!?! You THINK I'M A SMALL FILTHY MAGGOOTT NOOOO WWWWHHHYY AM I Like this I am really a nice noromakmal m eperson that vomits blood HA I VOMIT BLOOD ookaaayy my name is kyo…call me kyo!!!! Call me anything else and you die!!!!!"

"Why…thank you kyo…for telling us your name…now…please…introduce yourself to us…who are you?…"

"I am the singer of Dir en grey! Contrary to what you may think, we are not heterosexual!" kyo stopped. "Wait…what…oh…yeah. That's right. That's what I meant. Kay. We all good. God I have no point. God you say god too much. Didn't somewhere say that if you said his name inneklnfkdnfkd fn,s  rush hori s fkslfmokay why am I doing this I MUST DO THIS I must get to 50,0000d fmdnsknwords please let me make it okay I wonder how many words I have now.  2,800 something. Oklay….progress…we have progress.

~~~end minstory time!

"Geebus, I wonder where the fucker is," wondered Manslave, while washing his face and raiding the ninja's closet for clothes. "Shorts…shorts…spandex…whip…socks…bra top…hot pants…typical ninja suit…ahhhg…there's nothing here!" He closed the closet and walked across the room again, stepping over broken toys and dishes that were all over the ground of this messy, messy messy not currently passed out ninja. I don't know where I'm going with this. I'll make him go shopping.

"I'm going SHOPPING!" thought Manslave out loud. "In my LOINCLOTH! Yeah, it feels good to be original! Shut up!" He stopped and looked around the room. "Who am I talking to? Mansec isn't here and NO, don't tell me I'm starting to go crazy! That can't happen to me. I'm a man in a loincloth, look at my manly bits!" Manslave flashed no one in particular and felt proud of himself. "Well, time to buy food, anyway." He slipped on nothing because he had nothing and opened the door and walked out and people stared and he flashed them his hairy manly bits and then went to the supermarket and got his stuff and was kinda harassed by people who were in denial of the existence of other people's private bits and maybe he was arrested maybe but he took some coupons with him cos he thought maybe I could do some shopping in the parking lot yay.

~~~ministory time! ~~~

0 pounded and pounded at the body with his bloodcaked fists for a long time, even after it had gone cold and the steam no longer rose from it in the cold cold room. When he finally stopped the rank stink had started to spread and he wasn't even breathing hard, and it was like he wasn't breathing at all. All that was open were his eyes and his bloodspeckled mouth and he was grinning or not grinning crazily no he was not grinning because of this. He wasn't doing anything. He stopped maybe feeling exhausted, not feeling disgusted at all by all that he was seeing or all the mess around him. He bent to stand up and his hands accidentally got in some vital organ bit but he didn't even notice.

~~~end ministory time! ~~~

The ninja finally woke up I will do this until 6…10. 6:10. No, just 6 because I kind of have to eat and leave by 6:30 for piano…GRR. The ninja woke up and into the eyes of his holy mother. "What am I doing back here?! I thought I left!!"

"Hello, stranger, I saw that you've passed out outside my door and I wanted to be a hospitable old woman so here you are, in my nice warm cellar SO how do you FEEL?"

"I wanna listen to my music. You got any –"

"NO! Nope, nope. I don't have any music at all that you'd like. How about some Calming Chinese Tunes from the West?"

"You know, I really that China was in the –

"Just WHAT the HELL are you TALKINFG about?!?1 We're in America, so feel free to believe in me whenever you'd like. Now, one day I'd like to go to Canada, I've heard the ice cream is AWESOME, simply AWESOME there and they're in cute little cups too oh! You can get those here in America too. And since I'm just rambling on and on like and idiot, but WOW! We're past 3,000 words!! HAHAHAHAHHAA ooohhh I know I'm just an old woman but I feel all tingy inside!"

The ninja rolled up and got to his feet. "Okay…I'm really gonna leave this time, okay? I don't even know why I passed out outside your door, I mean, it's not THAT cold outside, hey?" He opened the door, and then he passed out.

"There, he's doing it again, that ungrateful person, taking advantage of an old woman like me. O ho HO! ..Well, THAT was disgusting. I'm not going to try that again."

Must…crack…knuckles. … … …. …. oooh. Okay, you know, all of this is a load of NHASJAHU!!!! I'm going to laugh, too, even though I forget the reason for my laughing. But a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!! See!!!! I space my laughing, too, so it all counts as one word!!!! A HA HA HA HA HA HA. I will think of plot now. Plot.. plot…hmm…plot…porn…plot…plot…porn…porn…plot…uh…lalala?!?

A few hours later, the ninja woke up from his temporary paralisation, and went home! And he found that his Manslave the Boyfriend wasn't home!! And they need names, so now Manslave is Manice oh what a stupid name how about Ulyssus!! And the Ninja will stay as Ninja, because Ninja as a name is pretty cool! So Ninja came home and found the home void of Ulyssus. He screamed.

Ninja: *screams*

"Where could HE BE!??!?!" Ninja thought OUT LOUD, just like in the SOAP OPERAS so the audience knows what's going on. I WILL GET 10,000 WORDS. He started a pointless mission and oh yeah! I was going to write about a fly that was Satan.

Ninja had a phobia I need some concrete detail now don't I ahgdhagdha Language arets is invading my brain stop it!!!!! STOOOPP IITTT I DEMAND!!!!!!!!!! Ninja had a phobia of BUGS. Particularly FLIES. I really don't know if I'd go back to this story cos it's kind of pointless actually dammit!!!! I wanted a meaningful nano!!!! Oh well!!!

~~~ministory time!! ~~~

"RAARARGGHGHH!!!" kyo roared, spittle flying out of his mouth onto the faces of many many awed children that were spawned from the depths of HELL I will stop cursing now. "JUST BECAUSE I'M *SHORT* DOESN' T MEAN THAT I'M A FRIGGIN *KID*!" I will stop this stupid cliché thought right now WOW! The little dash thinger added itself authomatically over the word cliché!! Look! It did it again!!! Wow!!! They must be lovers!!! Okay, soo… Kyo latched himself onto the storyteller and bit down hard, through thick fake leather jacket!!! Through skin!!!!! Through muscle!!! Through BONE!!!!!

"GAAAAHAHAHHAHAHHHGYGYAGYGY!!!~~~!!!!!" screamed the storyteller, whom everyone will assume is a woman in this SEXIST world, "GAAAAAAAAAYGHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! I BLEED!!" he screamed, waving his blood-spurting arm like a maniac. Kyo admired his work from a distance.

"Wow," he said, smiling in a newfound state of euphoria that felt very much like a drug-induced high, "That's better than one of my vomits. Maybe I should TRY THST MSOPNSI wil stop this cliché thought too where kyo is so freaking masochistic it's not funny but people try to make it as."""

WAIT!!!! Kyo has no head!!! He can't see!! But…but guess what!!!!! He realised his head had been under his shirt all along. Yeah, it's stupid, but I'm trying to get to the 50,000 words lalal lalal ala la la la la la.

~~~end ministory time!!! ~~~

Ninja sat in a small dusty corner of his messy messy room and contemplated his missing boyfriend and wondered if he had run away because of…lack of clothes…lack of LIKE for him…or…could it be…lack of food?!?!?! Ninja sat and contemplated about lack of food. "I MUST, like, CHECK THIS OUT…if there is no FOOD…I WILL *DIE*!! (I am smart.)

"(Yes I am.)

"(Shut up, I can kick your ass. ASS-KICKIN NINJA RIGHT HERE.)"

He flew, shadow-style, to the mini-fridge he kept in another corner of his room, because he was lazy and liked the smell of cold refriderated food when he was sleeping it helped him sleep and his digestion and gave him good things to dream about plussss he could hide extra backup body parts in there for emergencies!!! Yayy!! It's just that he had to make sure he didn't accidentally grab one of the body parts in a fit to eat!!! Noo!!!

He pulled open the fridge, and guess what!!! yeah!! There was no food! Just bodyparts! My writing sucks. STOPPP. Stopppp. STAAAAAPPPPIITT. Break time to read a story that  makes me cry (not this one)…back in ten minutes. *comes back* aww.. I was reading a HarryXRon fic. Contrary to what you may want to believe, it wasn't porn. It's where Ron loses his hearing. I am having several brainfarts that are extremely painful (mentally, not physically) right now. One word: SAAAD. Two more words: Me cry.

Ninja slumped against the the mini-fridge, letting out a low sigh. "Are you mad because I stole your arms and legs?" He wasn't saying it to anyone that was there. He was saying it to Ulyssus, who he thought might be there in spirit, like a spirit occupying his lightswitch or his tub or his pants.

MEANWHILE.

"What, you don't like my maaaaanly bits?" asked Ulyssus, flipping the top of his loincloth up and down deliberately.

The policemen erred and ONE WORD AFTER THE OTHER tried to give him some eyespace. But one policeman was mean. You always need a mean one. I will type until 9.

"Just bloody leave it down, we don't need to see any of that." The mean one snarled and almost bit him on the head or something but he contained himself. Yes, he contained himself. CONNTAAIIIN. Like in a jar, but not. HA. I'm so funny. Someone slap me right now. Once they reached the slightly tilted police car in a small muddy rut, the mean one pulled out a pair of disgusting blue sweatpants. "Here, put some of these one…geez…you shave your legs??"

"You DON'T?! GOD, you guys are DISGUSTTTIIINNNG." Ulyssus glared at the sweatpants. "And you fucking want me to put on WHAT? Those look like they've been (BEEEEEP) up your (BEEEEEEPP)."

"FINE!" ..for lack of other/better things to say, "I'LL JUST TAKE THEM BACK." He took them back. "AND WE WILL DRIVE YOU AWAAAAYY TO THE POLICE STATION, WHERE YOU WILL WAIT A VEERRRY LONG TIME BEFORE ACTUALLY BEING *TALKED* TO!!! AND NO, IF YOU'RE HUNGRY, YOU CAN'T GO ANYWHERE. COS YOU'RE IN JAAAAAIIILLLL. WOOO YEAH."

The policepeople put Ulyssus in the car, drove him awaaayy to the police station, made him wait for a loooong time before being talked to, and when he was hungry he couldn't go anywhere to eat!! The people there even refused to get him stuff from the vending machine!! Oh the injustice of it all! My knuckles hurt. But okay!!! Type type type!!! Yeah!!!

Ulyssus sucked on his tongue and eyed the mirrored back of the doorway. "Geez, what's *wrong* with this place? The chair's all ratty, no food…yeah, I'm in a loincloth, wait! I was grocery-shopping before! Oh cool." He pulled apart the sides of the plastic grocery bag he had forgotten that he was holding and looked inside. "Pear…peach…apples…grapes…damn, why'd I have to grab all the healthy stuff in my delirious intent to be a good housewife?"

"SHIZNIT!" Someone shouted, even though s'he probably didn’t even know what it meant. "You're a HOUSEWIFE?! But you're a MAN! A badly dressed one, but you still have a PENIS." More shouting goes on because this is the bloody holding room in the police station. Ulyssus glared at the someone with a look of blatant disbelief.

Said Ulyssus: "You're stupid. Shut up." Heed his words well.

But of course the someone goes on, and on, and on, and ON. "HOUSEWIFE…MAN…IT JUST DOESN'T FIT…how can this beee…my small world views are being shattered…ahhhh…this must be the reason why I am jaill…help…"

Said Ulyssus: "Okay, fine, don't shut up." Heed his words well. And YAY!! It's NINE!!! bye!!! I will reach 10,000 words by the fifteenth, yesss I wiiilll!

~~~we interrupt you so we can transfer important information into your brain!!!! ~~~

I have read over the nano that I have written so far and you know what?!?!? I've realised that kyo's ALREADY found his head near the beginning!!! So he found his head twice!!!! Okay!!! That's all I have to say!!!

~~~end important interruption! ~~~

                Ninja was still huddled against the mini-fridge at home, waiting for Ulyssus to come back or something else like that. EATING a babyruth rather MAGNIFICENTLY…he swallowed….and it joined the toast in his stomach. So blahakvbsablsa dkandk cjdnfk df md fm msnmdansjandskl skdlj89&@&*!!!!! ajhdjsa mmoo smooo I am voodoo cursing you does anyone else read Jhonen Vasquez he kinda acts like he doesn't like Neil Gaiman but I do lala la la la la la la la la la la la I kinda talked about my not-so-bloody vagina WHOOPS most of you probably assumed I was a guy from my name noodleboy but OH WELL either I'm a GIRL or I have a secret vagina located somewhere!! Okay!!! So I was in math and yeah I was talking about bloody vaginas don't ask me WHY do I need a POINT?!? I can be pointless if I want!!!! All I really need to do is have FUN in this life!! And in my next life I'd like to be reborn as a guy! So I can crossdress! Yes! And bother people with my prettiness! HAR! Har harr harr yeah.

                "I really am really sorry," Ninja said into the empty air. "I couldn't sleep in the night, and while I was not sleeping in the night I was thinking about something, and you were just sleeping there, and yeah, like I said, I was thinking…and I was thinking…what if I lost an arm or a leg or a liver? I'd need some backup. And you were RIGHT THERE. How could I resist? So I stole your arms and legs and stuff, and paid some underground surgeon to give you new ones while you were still sleeping. Have I told you what a deep sleeper you are? MAAN. Prolly wouldn't wake if my ex-mom burped in front of you." He got another thought in his head, perhaps as profound as his earlier one that persuaded him to steal his Manslave's body parts. He rested his hand on the handle for a moment and hesitated, but he resolved himself and pulled open the door and took out the body parts, which he went forward on to cuddle.

                "I loooooooovvee yoou, Ulyssus."

MEANWHILE.

Porn is such a fun word to say. I mean DO IT. Porn. Porn porn porn porn porn. POOOOORRRN. Porn!! Porn this!!! Porn that!!! Uh uh!!! Oh yeah!!!

MEANWHILE…

Finally the top-half of a door that kind of brought you back to nursery times days when they had those kinds of doors to trap little kids in and then being able to look at what they were doing without them having the chance to get out unless they could jump really, really high, where am I going with this oh the top half opened and the policeperson called for Ulyssus.

"Ulyssus…what's your last name? It's a scribble here."

"It's just Ulyssus. I have no last name."

"But, sir, you MUST have a last name. Aren't you registered for anything…it's kinda illegal…I think…for you to not have a last name…"

"Can we just get ON with it? I just wannna finish my grocery shopping plus I don't want to eat all this healthy crap. And somehow by the end of this story I might be a two-dimensional character and while I like junk food and cursing I can do whatever I want without much thinking, okay? So let’s hurry up."

The policeperson shot him a dirty look as it opened the rest of the doorway for Ulyssys to get in. Those hamsters in the background BETTER shut up soon.

Okay.

Good.

Yah yah yah yah yah yah LA la la! It's stuck in my head now, those stupid huge-eyed cute.. disgistomg...hamsters…I ….wiwowmI I will shu upp! !

Ulyssus: Yeah, I KNOW YOU WANT ME, but fuck off.

The policeperson without a gender gasped in major shock!!!! The kind of shock the blows trees away!!!!S CHOOCKK!!! AHHHHH!!!! "It wasn't THAT kind of dirty look, you pervert!!!"

"Yeah, I'm a PERVERT now, huh?! You're going to arrest me for being perverted!!??"

"No! It's because of indecent exposure, and wow, check out the manly bits…" o_o

"I knew you looked. Now LOOK AWAAAY. Before I bite you in the crotch."

The policeperson led him over to a small room, where they had a tv and a computer.

"Wow, cool. Are you going to make me do typing exercises while watching tv as punishment?"

"No, you idiot. You're going to sit there and a little video camera will show the judge's butt-ugly face that we touched up a little behind camera show up on the tv so you won't be really seeing him personally. Sit down. Sit down…over there. No, sit DOWN. DOOWN. DO NOT POSITION YOUR MANLY BITS IN FRONT OF THE VIDEO CAMERA. We wouldn't want the judge to…ahem…yes."

Ulyssus settled down much to his discomfort and waited and waited and finally the television turned on and there was a big pastylooking judge staring indirectly at him. "You know what? If I had a kid, I'd name him Metranon. I used to not like that name, but now I do for some reason. Must be all the Transformers I'd been watching."

"'Hem," said the Judge. "Excuse me…I need to take a poo."

Zip zip zip!!! Judge goes to pee and poo, he comes back, talks to Ulyssus, Ulyssus flashes him in the middle of the talk and in a bright white light the Judge is blinded and Ulyssus walks out a free man!! I need some more plot. I haven't bothered to think beyond this point. You see, I'm not used to all this thinking. It's a very queer feeling.

~~~mini-story time!! ~~~

"OKAY you little FREAK Dragon Ball Z is on behind you so you can't concentrate and plus you're at 5-something thousand words anyway so I'll let you have a little break and do something OKAY okay! talktalk k akd ka ka llala la la l al al al al al al al al al al l l ala l la la la a la la a la la la la la la la lam la al la la la als la la la la la la la a la la al al al ala l al ala la la la la la la la al la al al al ala la bye bye"

~~~end ministory time!! ~~~

Okidoki so this is the fifteenth and I'd planned to have 10,000 words by now but I've showered and stuff so I smell good and The Mask is showing on tv and I cannot resist when it's ON so I'm only going to be typing during commercials AND!!! I'm craving for my daily quota of internet time so I'm just typing nonsense here really and sorta slower than usual which really really sucks and I'm considering copying and pasting the above so I can get about 10,000 words right away but then I'd feel really really bad cos thass yanno, cheatin and shtuff. Yes I have this utmost sense of righteousness COUGH. BUT reeaally. …… I wanna read some fic…and blogs…and things like that. Plus I gotta make copies of this flyer and something's wrong with my printer in scanner but I don't know WHAT!!! Tres annoying, yanno? Tres tres tres. Ahhh I can't stop saying that for some reason. I sorta came up with some plot thingie in the shower about the story of 0 but I think I forgot what it was right now…maybe something about him dancing. Oh yeah! He was dancing to this fast music really slowly but this other dude thought he looked hella stupid doing that, but then he saw 0's face and he didn't care anymore, that shallow son of a PIG! So later he gets prowled down and whatnot and then later he gets killed, of course! Yay!

UPN, yeah. When I used to like Sailormoon I watched that show all the time, and I was so mad that they put the show on while I had to go to school. Sometimes I got to videotape it but most of the time I didn't. And for some reason Celina was always able to see the show when I couldn’t. Then she talked to me about it and I pretended to know what I was talking about and sometimes I talked right!

~~~ministory time!!! but first I have to go wash the dishes. Those Judge Judy types on tv are hella scary, man. ~~~

~~~important notice~~~

Ministory time has een rescheduled for later. Cannot write decently NOW and I knooooww it's not supposed to be QUALITY or anything but I can't help it. Actually, so I can, but I just don't feel like it. bar blar abkrarl larn la a. Or maybe I'll do it anyway. More wordies for me.

~~~end important notice~~~

Tempo fast and slick bodies close by and 0 was swinging slowly with his eyes closed.

maybe if I don't make a sound she won't think I'm here.